Mr-Page's avatar

Mr-Page

Do what feels right
103 Watchers319 Deviations
36.1K
Pageviews

Moving On

1 min read
I have a love-hate relationship with grudges.

I seem to love holding onto bitter resentment. I hate that I do. I guess it stems from never really ever having any closure from disputes that sort of pop up from seemingly nothing, and never really knowing why the thing that pissed me off happened.

Sometimes you'll never find out why bad things happen. Sometimes you'll never figure out why someone you loved or someone you thought was a friend takes you down a peg or three. But that's no reason to stop living and stop doing what makes you happy. I need to learn to accept that.

However... It does help a lot when someone apologizes.

~Luke
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
It's been a long time.

I haven't put pencil to paper. I haven't even attempted to put any heart into anything that I do attempt to produce. If I am brutally honest, I'm not good enough to do so. It's been rubbed into my face many times, the opinions of hateful people who have nothing else better to do, and I've done my best to turn the other cheek and get on with my life. Some people aren't worth the anguish, y'know?

But there's one person who managed to sink their disgusting teeth into me. One person who I can't seem to avoid, forget, nor forgive. Every time I have some kind of memory, or completely random online encounter with her work, I fall into this trap of pure hatred for both of us; how someone could be so heartless, so bigoted, and allow themselves to become this huge ugly hypocrite, and how I despise myself for continuing to let something that happened almost 5 years ago haunt me to this day, and no doubt for the rest of my life.

I'm talking about Laura.

They say, in anything regarding creative works, be it design or art, the best thing to do is to "Fail Faster". If you have an idea, go with it. If it's not good enough, then you learn from it. That's how you get better. When I started my journal comic, it was a fun little time passer where I got to draw stuff about whatever I liked, be it well done or poorly rushed. I enjoyed it. I met Laura while studying at University, and by "met" I mean she yelled something like "OMG YOU'RE ON DEVIANTART?" while I was checking my messages here during a quiet moment in a lesson. I later found her gallery and became enamored by her work. And, after an awkward start, we had this sort of acquaintanceship going. I eventually fell into the same friend group as her, some of which are still in contact with me to this day. Laura, if I am honest, was very difficult to talk to. She was a very negative person, always had some snarky comment to make, but in my naïvety, I ignored them and simply saw them as her quirks. I was just that impressed and in awe of the idea of "Wandamagick", this online persona of a fun-loving cutesy girl, that I couldn't see just how much of a sad, hateful person that she was.

I did eventually show her my comic, and at first, her criticism was constructive and very helpful. I did learn a lot from her, but as most students do, I continued to draw my work the way I liked. Not to say I didn't completely ignore her, I certainly like to believe that I took on board what she suggested, but if I'm to truly develop, I should follow what I like to draw. And if I like to draw quickly and scruffily, then that's fine. If I draw something about something I really shouldn't talk about, then that's fine too. Mistakes are to be made, that's how you improve. Another bright idea of mine was to advertise my comic on Facebook. Make a fanpage for people to go to, comment on my work, and get a broader sense of what I should concentrate on should I need more improvement (who doesn't?). I sent invites to people who I thought would support me. Laura didn't like this. So, as any sensible friend who wants nothing but the utmost in quality to come out of the people she helps, she wrote a lovely little comedic review on Bad Webcomic Wiki, which I later discover that she's an admin of.

Known as "Lesbot" on the site, turns out she's quite the celebrity. She's written reviews on Ctrl-Alt-Del, VGCats, Least I Could Do, a lot of the big hitters. So, why on earth would she want to write about a little comic on Smackjeeves, that nobody even knows about? Because I decided to make a fan page and invite her boyfriend to join it. This was seen as a sign of arrogance on my part, so she got a friend to help her write the review. It was all agreed that I was to be added to the hall of fame that is The Bad Webcomic Wiki, because I'm terrible at drawing, my topics were dull and pointless, and I had no grasp of reality. Not only did they attack my comic, they attacked me personally, as well as some of the kindhearted people who sent in guest comics for me to upload... One of which, was Laura herself. So why she decided to attack her own work is beyond me, but alas here we are. It's not the first time I've been trolled on the internet, or had someone insult me online. That kind of thing just happens. What you don't expect is that stuff to be thrown at you from someone you know who lives down the street, someone you looked up to. That hurt. Big time.

Since then, whenever I visited my friends, or whenever my friends talked about me visiting or anything like that, she always had some kind of cruel thing to say about me. I've never had anything bad to say about her, not once during the time I knew her did I even contemplate the very thought. But she felt the need to belittle me constantly, behind my back or to my face. I didn't (still don't) understand exactly why she did it, and to this day, I still reel over it. I've not been able to draw stuff I like. I've not been able to follow projects through. When I'm asked to draw something for someone, I crack under pressure. Before the review, I probably could have gone through with this stuff, with some kind of false sense of confidence. Nowadays, I just know I'm terrible. And I know it's not healthy, because it's stopped me from being who I was.

The funniest thing about her these days though is that I've discovered that, through random stumbling through Tumblr, among her latest interests is My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she is a Pegasister. And on top of that, she's still a very popular artist. No doubt, many bronies are fanboying over her works as we speak. Perfectly fine by me, she's a great artist and deserves the praise. What gets me the most is that this cruel, heartless woman, enjoys a show that teaches kids (and grown-ups, I know I've learned a thing or two) about friendship and how people can co-exist peacefully and friendly to each other. Never, in all the years I've tried to get over this stupid problem of mine, did I expect the sarcastic, foul-mouthed Laura to enjoy the antics of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. I often wonder if she's learned anything from the show, and contemplated what she's done in the past to countless anonymous faces on the internet over their comics. And, sometimes, egotistically, I wonder if she still thinks of me, and how she's potentially ruined comics, drawing, and any kind of art for me for the rest of my life. If I were to describe her in a way bronies would understand, she's the Diamond Tiara of the internet. Keeping up appearances, but a stone cold bitch on the inside.

I suppose the thing that pisses me of the most about this whole thing is not the cruelty of an idol to her fan, not the treacherous behavior of a friend, not even the hilarious hypocrisy of not just the guest comic, but the whole idea of her being a brony... The thing that gets me the most is my inability to move on from what is essentially a playground fight. It's childish. It's stupid. It's pathetic.

But I'm still mad. Congratulations to Laura, the best troll on the internet.

Thanks girl, you're awesome.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Draw O'clock

1 min read
Hello everyone. Long time no see.

I've been in a bad place for far too long, and I've neglected anything to do with drawing for the best part of a year. So I'm going back to my roots... I'm just gunna doodle for a bit.

For anyone interested, I want you to check out a new series I'm doing called Draw O'clock. Every day at 4pm here in the UK, I'll sit down for an hour and just draw whatever comes to mind and then upload the results, good or bad.

I don't really intend on improving my art style or anything along those lines, I just want to rekindle a lost fire...

I hope you enjoy my new journey.

~Luke


EDIT: Hey guys, just a little heads up. I've uploaded some old works that never made it to this gallery. Head on over to Draw O'clock and leave some feedback! Its much appreciated.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
 



The previous journal was me being mopey. Please go on with your lives :)

Also keep an eye out for a huge Pages of Life comeback. I'm hoping you will enjoy it :)

 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Patience

4 min read
 



It feels like I've waited forever but my patience is wearing thin.
I can't seem to let go.

 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Moving On by Mr-Page, journal

Venting about Stupid Pointlessness by Mr-Page, journal

Draw O'clock by Mr-Page, journal

Patience - Epilogue by Mr-Page, journal

Patience by Mr-Page, journal