A Lover's Worries

So there she was.

Sleeping under the covers, her hair flowing over the pillows, facing away from me, lightly breathing.

I often wondered as I sat there, staring over at her  as I procrastinated, unable to sleep. What does she dream about? What were her aspirations in life, what did she want to do, did she dream of me?

Or of him?

I knew it for a while, but I just hoped that I was just being stupid and paranoid. But lately, she’s been acting grouchy, and irritable over the smallest things. I try to make things easier, better, but everything I did just infuriated her.

What did I do?

I can’t recall one thing I did to offend her.

But clearly, she felt otherwise. She felt I wasn’t good enough, too whiney, too bitchy, too immature, too emotional, too dependant.

I just think she didn’t know what she wanted, so she was looking for excuses to love another.

Just like before.

She giggles a little in her sleep, before sleepily sighing.

Is that for me, or for him?

As I sit there, knowing that our relationship was on the ropes, in a frail balance, I laid down next to her and lightly held her. She takes my hand in her sleep and sighs once more.

Does she think it’s me, or him?

Worried, I find comfort in her warmth. I close my eyes, hoping for some rest at last... I quietly wisper to her, as her breath quietly flowed past her delicate lips;

“Whatever you want to do, I’ll be there for you. No matter what... Even if I lose you.”

With that, I finally fell asleep. Unknowing the true horror of the next morning’s events...